It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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