He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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