you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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