What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
