his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
