my sisters under your porch take her home
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
