I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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