HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
