I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I look better un-naked...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
