??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
