wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
