True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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