It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize