I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
