my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
