$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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