just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This house was built for laser tag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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