How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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