Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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