what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
