On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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