If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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