like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
