Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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