I am in a vortex of obligation.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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