I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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