i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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