getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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