The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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