I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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