after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
