I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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