I'm jealous of your bromance
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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