So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
