her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
