Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I had to cum in my sink.
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