he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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