Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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