my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
should my penis look like a turkey
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
