just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
