buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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