we're blogging at a bar
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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