Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
