This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize