First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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