I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
3pm strippers are depressing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think your dad took our porno
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
