if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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