Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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