Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

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(323): View more from California

I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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(406): View more from Montana

He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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(805): View more from California

how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.

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(702): View more from Nevada

So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd

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(407): View more from Florida

Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...

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