He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
