I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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