Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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