How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no you cant smoke seaweed
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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