They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
