He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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