grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
