I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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