So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
