$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize