We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
