First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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