Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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